Thursday, 19 April 2012

I've lost that chavvy feeling...

Woah that Chavvy feelingah! ... Sometimes I find myself doing 'nan-singing'. I loved my nan so much, she was the most loving, simple and wise woman in all the land and she loved me beyond reason.

If she walked in to a room and I was standing over your dead body with a bloody knife in my hand - her first reaction would be 'What did that woman do to you Luli?'... Unconditional, fierce love - I have my nan to thank for the precious gift of understanding what that truly feels like.

I know skinny love when it's offered - because my nan gave me big fat, dollops of creamy, wonderful love. (It'll be no surprise to you then to learn that Violet Corrina Evans was a very big lass. But that's part of another story for another day perhaps.)

Nan Singing | This is an 'N' I forgot so I'll pop it in here while I'm telling you about Violet C. (known to all as Corrr!) Nan singing is a bit like club singing although it's more recognisable - so 'You've lost that Loving Feeling' was a favourite and it would go like this...

'yeeeeoooove lost that lurrrrvin feeeelinah! Woahah thata lurrvinah feelinah! Yeeeeoooove lost that lurrrvin feelin now its gorrrnah gorrrnah gorrnah Woooooahaaah woahahaha woahhhhahhhhAH!'

Get the idea - now add in a strong Welsh valley accent and you're getting close.

Nanna in my pocket
Thing is when my nanna is near me - I find myself singing nana-stylee and I then I know she's around. Usually when she is around - it's a clue for me that I need to a) pay attention to how I'm feeling and make sure I ask for a cuddle if I need one and b) to make sure I am behaving impeccably towards others - my nana did and she did not tolerate any nonsense on this score. It didn't matter what mood you were in - or how someone may have treated you - there was absolutely no excuse to not behave with anything less than charm and grace.

So Nana C. turned up to day... and I realised that I need a bit of a cuddle and I need to have a bit of a word with myself too about whining and being crabby. So I have - there you go. S'all good in Lulilandia with Corr on my team - I can't fail. Please forgive any harsh words in previous blog or wall comments.

Chav wars

I think I may have mentioned that our house is the chavviest on the road - with it's awful 'ye olde curiosity shoppe' hacked about bay (the others are majestic, crenelated Victorian) - well we've made it much worse by putting up B&Q plastic double glazing this winter - because frankly we can't afford to rip out the bay and start again and I was fkken freezoidal.

S'all good when the plastic is taught - but after a couple of hairdryer sessions - it's gorn all baggy Mrs! Oh and I should also point out that podgey installed it before I had a chance to clean the windows - so double the Chavvster effect... *sigh!

We have lost the Chavvy crown! - On the way back from the cafe - for weekly flat white and half a piece of cherry shortbread. (Somebody stop me, no hang on - it's all pointed and dointed so nyargh boo - props to Miss Lu!) I noticed that 3 doors down have had a huge, shocking pink, fur/fleece-covered 3 piece suite delivered and they've matched the curtains and the cushions AND painted the mirror surround over the fireplace black! No word of a flippin' lie - I kid you not - I am horrified, delighted and gutted all at the same time.

I have been secretly basking in my Chavvy cred windows for months and now - I have to sink back into the ignomy of just being poor and scummy. Number 38 has jammed that Plastic Princess crown from Primark firmly onto her head and she is parading up and down the street with pictures of her pink sofa pinned to her pinny!


You can take the girl out of the valleys ...

Only one thing for it - time to bring out the big guns. I'm having the entire front of my house clad in pink and lime green stone and I'm installing a 15 tone - doorbell with Sounds of the 80s ringtones on random selection.

Take that Chavonia!

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