Thursday, 19 April 2012

Nothing tastes like skinny feels ...


Lets agree to ditch all this cod, pseudy - often celebrity-fuelled b0ll0x shall we?

We are designed to eat, and to really enjoy food - how it looks, smells and tastes, the texture and the mouthfeel - it's all important.

We really have to get our heads in the game - because the long term goal surely must be that we find a healthy balance, each of us for our own selves. Sure there are some basic rules but in the end what works for me - works for me. My job is to figure that out and then get on with it.

I want a healthy balance that allows me to eat great food that tastes fantastic and nourishes my body at whatever age and level of activity I'm at. We cannot exist on diet bars and diet foods and denial and lack and pinchy, squinch and 'no-thankyous' and 'just a finger' for ever.

Chri$t I'd throw myself under the next 75 bus if I believed that was my lot for the rest of my four score and ten. I really would.

Sort out your cravings..

Reclaim your taste buds and get a grip on your cravings. You'll need to do some research and you 'll need to make a bit of a battle plan. I know I had to break the sugar/salt yoyo that was totally bnggering up my ability to really taste food properly. (I did this some years ago and then sort of back slid - but I'm all over it again this time around).

It had also interfered with my ability to figure out what I was truly hungry for. A key in long-term healthy eating. Our bodies are fkken incredible things - and we're designed to be able to make the right choices if we learn to tune in fully to what our body needs.

Thing is we override that with emotional tw@ttery and help that along with overloading our systems with two key signal killers - salt and sugar.

If you are addicted to processed foods - it's the salt and the sugar you are after - if you break your addiction to salt and sugar you will free yourself from much of the cravings for the foods that pile on the pounds if you're not managing them in moderation.

So don't deny yourself food - you are designed to enjoy it. But have a good long think about what kind of food is going to support you to be healthy and strong. To build good lean muscle, excellent teeth, beautiful glossy hair and dewy, glowing skin.

What about growing healthy babies, or running that 5k race? What food do you need to help you be the very best you - you can be? I'll bet it isn't a Big Mac and FKKEN fries!

By the same token - if you fancy one - then have it. Knowing what you need to do to keep yourself on the path - a little wander down a side road won't kill you.

There is nothing attractive about a starving human being.

There is nothing disciplined about foolish denial.

Skinny Schminny -  I want to be strong, healthy and there's no amount of dieting that will convince me I look better without b00bs or a big 'ol backside.

When you're curvy and fit - everything tastes great!

BTW: The quote is from Anna Wintour the po-face bob toting fashionista - who never smiles and has recently begun to speak out against skinny models - Oh really Anna - Care factor ZERO!

I've lost that chavvy feeling...

Woah that Chavvy feelingah! ... Sometimes I find myself doing 'nan-singing'. I loved my nan so much, she was the most loving, simple and wise woman in all the land and she loved me beyond reason.

If she walked in to a room and I was standing over your dead body with a bloody knife in my hand - her first reaction would be 'What did that woman do to you Luli?'... Unconditional, fierce love - I have my nan to thank for the precious gift of understanding what that truly feels like.

I know skinny love when it's offered - because my nan gave me big fat, dollops of creamy, wonderful love. (It'll be no surprise to you then to learn that Violet Corrina Evans was a very big lass. But that's part of another story for another day perhaps.)

Nan Singing | This is an 'N' I forgot so I'll pop it in here while I'm telling you about Violet C. (known to all as Corrr!) Nan singing is a bit like club singing although it's more recognisable - so 'You've lost that Loving Feeling' was a favourite and it would go like this...

'yeeeeoooove lost that lurrrrvin feeeelinah! Woahah thata lurrvinah feelinah! Yeeeeoooove lost that lurrrvin feelin now its gorrrnah gorrrnah gorrnah Woooooahaaah woahahaha woahhhhahhhhAH!'

Get the idea - now add in a strong Welsh valley accent and you're getting close.

Nanna in my pocket
Thing is when my nanna is near me - I find myself singing nana-stylee and I then I know she's around. Usually when she is around - it's a clue for me that I need to a) pay attention to how I'm feeling and make sure I ask for a cuddle if I need one and b) to make sure I am behaving impeccably towards others - my nana did and she did not tolerate any nonsense on this score. It didn't matter what mood you were in - or how someone may have treated you - there was absolutely no excuse to not behave with anything less than charm and grace.

So Nana C. turned up to day... and I realised that I need a bit of a cuddle and I need to have a bit of a word with myself too about whining and being crabby. So I have - there you go. S'all good in Lulilandia with Corr on my team - I can't fail. Please forgive any harsh words in previous blog or wall comments.

Chav wars

I think I may have mentioned that our house is the chavviest on the road - with it's awful 'ye olde curiosity shoppe' hacked about bay (the others are majestic, crenelated Victorian) - well we've made it much worse by putting up B&Q plastic double glazing this winter - because frankly we can't afford to rip out the bay and start again and I was fkken freezoidal.

S'all good when the plastic is taught - but after a couple of hairdryer sessions - it's gorn all baggy Mrs! Oh and I should also point out that podgey installed it before I had a chance to clean the windows - so double the Chavvster effect... *sigh!

We have lost the Chavvy crown! - On the way back from the cafe - for weekly flat white and half a piece of cherry shortbread. (Somebody stop me, no hang on - it's all pointed and dointed so nyargh boo - props to Miss Lu!) I noticed that 3 doors down have had a huge, shocking pink, fur/fleece-covered 3 piece suite delivered and they've matched the curtains and the cushions AND painted the mirror surround over the fireplace black! No word of a flippin' lie - I kid you not - I am horrified, delighted and gutted all at the same time.

I have been secretly basking in my Chavvy cred windows for months and now - I have to sink back into the ignomy of just being poor and scummy. Number 38 has jammed that Plastic Princess crown from Primark firmly onto her head and she is parading up and down the street with pictures of her pink sofa pinned to her pinny!


You can take the girl out of the valleys ...

Only one thing for it - time to bring out the big guns. I'm having the entire front of my house clad in pink and lime green stone and I'm installing a 15 tone - doorbell with Sounds of the 80s ringtones on random selection.

Take that Chavonia!