I give you my latest concept - which I feel sure you will agree is nothing short of game changing for both the lingerie and dairy industries.
Detachable Cheese Norks!
Thursday, 28 June 2012
Detachable Cheese Norks
I give you my latest concept - which I feel sure you will agree is nothing short of game changing for both the lingerie and dairy industries.
Detachable Cheese Norks!
Tuesday, 29 May 2012
So Long Pastie Tax
Podgey and Mrs Steako celebrated the
lifting of the pastie tax today and it got me thinking about some of the
things I no longer eat anymore - either because they just don't fit
into my lifestyle or because on balance when I weigh up the amount of
enjoyment I get from eating said thing - set against the amount of Weight Watcher Pro
Points I am obliged to enter onto my tracker - the food has been found
wanting.Chips | OH lord, there are days I'd trade his first and second born for a twist of chippos. I have blogged elsewhere, before about the best chips in the world - (hands down from Olleys in Brixton, twice cooked, large copper kettles and they sell maui-maui, surely the prince of fish). I gave up eating chips regularly a long time ago. If you are still a chippaholic - then make sure you have the absolute best and don't eat a huge portion. For me, I have ended the affair. *sobs gently...
Booze | I gave up the demon drink the first time I set sail on the good ship WW Tracker. I quickly realised that points-wise, I could eat 'em or drink 'em and while I liked a drink - lord ha' mercy I liked a drink - I liked to eat waaaaay more. So I gave it up - and I never went back. I don't get hangovers, I don't wake up, freezing, in next door's garden missing a shoe and wearing some bloke's underpants (yes it happened, I'm not proud of it - but hell! that musta been a great night ay?) and I no longer need to go face down into 300 PPs worth of Greasy Joe's finest to soak up the alcohol I haven't managed to sweat out from the night before.
Biscuits | Don't get me wrong, I still have a biccy or two - but all pointed and not every day like before. We got into the habit of having a flapjack or a few biccies every day at around 3pm - (ooh would you look at the time, I'd better speed this blog up). So there would always be biscuits in the tin - and then there would always be a reason to take advantage of the offers - 'All them biccies for just £2.00! BARGAIN!). Trouble is one biccy became three and every day - then again after tea and boom shakkalakka, my backside grew exponentially!
Curry | Oh oh oh! The cruelest cut of all - yes, yes, I know you can make you're own - have you read my blogs? What about me have you learned that would suggest I spend anything more than 30 mins tops on food prep? I don't even go for the creamy curry - I really love chicken tikka - the sizzly one with onions - but even without naan, or picks and pops - just the chicken tikkle and a sag paneer - I'm having to make bargains with the weigh in god - and you know how stubborn he is! So curry is off the menu as a regular thing. And don't get me started on the tragic avoidance of Cosmo - (all you can eat asian buffet they practically give away the food it's so cheap, and good! SOOOOO GOOOD).
Sprouts | To be honest I've never eaten sprouts they are the devil's testic1es in my opinion. Our family is split into Sproutians and Nonsproutians and I know which one's I trust. Still as I'm giving things up in the name of this diet. I figured I might as well chuck a few things in I don't like. So there.
Baked Goods | Which brings us neatly back to iPodge and Mrs Steako (in pic). So delighted by the lifting of the Pasty Tax, podgey announced he was going to celebrate with a pasty on a Tuesday. Mrs Steako is the result - we just missed the bake and he had to settle for a medium - supplemented with some mini pies...
(Normally it's bakery Thursday which usually happens on a Friday - oh keep up at the back!). I no longer eat baked goods - no pasties, sausage rolls, pork pies, patties or samosas for me. I also try to eat as little bread as possible including fancy rolls, wraps and delicious fresh squishy bread from Joes. Partly wheat issues, mainly bloaty fat belly issues and all mourned weekly as podgey and the boys come home bearing their baked goods aloft - smelling divine and tasting crumbtastic.
On the flip | I now eat lots more fruit in ever more fancy combinations. Mini meringues, Yoo Moo, Chocphillyfilth, veggie mash & I have adopted porridge as my best friend. x
Thursday, 19 April 2012
Nothing tastes like skinny feels ...
LIKE FKK IT DOESN'T!
Lets agree to ditch all this cod, pseudy - often celebrity-fuelled b0ll0x shall we?
We are designed to eat, and to really enjoy food - how it looks, smells and tastes, the texture and the mouthfeel - it's all important.
We really have to get our heads in the game - because the long term goal surely must be that we find a healthy balance, each of us for our own selves. Sure there are some basic rules but in the end what works for me - works for me. My job is to figure that out and then get on with it.
I want a healthy balance that allows me to eat great food that tastes fantastic and nourishes my body at whatever age and level of activity I'm at. We cannot exist on diet bars and diet foods and denial and lack and pinchy, squinch and 'no-thankyous' and 'just a finger' for ever.
Chri$t I'd throw myself under the next 75 bus if I believed that was my lot for the rest of my four score and ten. I really would.
Sort out your cravings..
Reclaim your taste buds and get a grip on your cravings. You'll need to do some research and you 'll need to make a bit of a battle plan. I know I had to break the sugar/salt yoyo that was totally bnggering up my ability to really taste food properly. (I did this some years ago and then sort of back slid - but I'm all over it again this time around).
It had also interfered with my ability to figure out what I was truly hungry for. A key in long-term healthy eating. Our bodies are fkken incredible things - and we're designed to be able to make the right choices if we learn to tune in fully to what our body needs.
Thing is we override that with emotional tw@ttery and help that along with overloading our systems with two key signal killers - salt and sugar.
If you are addicted to processed foods - it's the salt and the sugar you are after - if you break your addiction to salt and sugar you will free yourself from much of the cravings for the foods that pile on the pounds if you're not managing them in moderation.
So don't deny yourself food - you are designed to enjoy it. But have a good long think about what kind of food is going to support you to be healthy and strong. To build good lean muscle, excellent teeth, beautiful glossy hair and dewy, glowing skin.
What about growing healthy babies, or running that 5k race? What food do you need to help you be the very best you - you can be? I'll bet it isn't a Big Mac and FKKEN fries!
By the same token - if you fancy one - then have it. Knowing what you need to do to keep yourself on the path - a little wander down a side road won't kill you.
There is nothing attractive about a starving human being.
There is nothing disciplined about foolish denial.
Skinny Schminny - I want to be strong, healthy and there's no amount of dieting that will convince me I look better without b00bs or a big 'ol backside.
When you're curvy and fit - everything tastes great!
BTW: The quote is from Anna Wintour the po-face bob toting fashionista - who never smiles and has recently begun to speak out against skinny models - Oh really Anna - Care factor ZERO!
Lets agree to ditch all this cod, pseudy - often celebrity-fuelled b0ll0x shall we?
We are designed to eat, and to really enjoy food - how it looks, smells and tastes, the texture and the mouthfeel - it's all important.
We really have to get our heads in the game - because the long term goal surely must be that we find a healthy balance, each of us for our own selves. Sure there are some basic rules but in the end what works for me - works for me. My job is to figure that out and then get on with it.
I want a healthy balance that allows me to eat great food that tastes fantastic and nourishes my body at whatever age and level of activity I'm at. We cannot exist on diet bars and diet foods and denial and lack and pinchy, squinch and 'no-thankyous' and 'just a finger' for ever.
Chri$t I'd throw myself under the next 75 bus if I believed that was my lot for the rest of my four score and ten. I really would.
Sort out your cravings..
Reclaim your taste buds and get a grip on your cravings. You'll need to do some research and you 'll need to make a bit of a battle plan. I know I had to break the sugar/salt yoyo that was totally bnggering up my ability to really taste food properly. (I did this some years ago and then sort of back slid - but I'm all over it again this time around).
It had also interfered with my ability to figure out what I was truly hungry for. A key in long-term healthy eating. Our bodies are fkken incredible things - and we're designed to be able to make the right choices if we learn to tune in fully to what our body needs.
Thing is we override that with emotional tw@ttery and help that along with overloading our systems with two key signal killers - salt and sugar.
If you are addicted to processed foods - it's the salt and the sugar you are after - if you break your addiction to salt and sugar you will free yourself from much of the cravings for the foods that pile on the pounds if you're not managing them in moderation.
So don't deny yourself food - you are designed to enjoy it. But have a good long think about what kind of food is going to support you to be healthy and strong. To build good lean muscle, excellent teeth, beautiful glossy hair and dewy, glowing skin.
What about growing healthy babies, or running that 5k race? What food do you need to help you be the very best you - you can be? I'll bet it isn't a Big Mac and FKKEN fries!
By the same token - if you fancy one - then have it. Knowing what you need to do to keep yourself on the path - a little wander down a side road won't kill you.
There is nothing attractive about a starving human being.
There is nothing disciplined about foolish denial.
Skinny Schminny - I want to be strong, healthy and there's no amount of dieting that will convince me I look better without b00bs or a big 'ol backside.
When you're curvy and fit - everything tastes great!
BTW: The quote is from Anna Wintour the po-face bob toting fashionista - who never smiles and has recently begun to speak out against skinny models - Oh really Anna - Care factor ZERO!
I've lost that chavvy feeling...
Woah that Chavvy feelingah! ... Sometimes I find myself doing 'nan-singing'. I loved my nan so much, she was the most loving, simple and wise woman in all the land and she loved me beyond reason.
If she walked in to a room and I was standing over your dead body with a bloody knife in my hand - her first reaction would be 'What did that woman do to you Luli?'... Unconditional, fierce love - I have my nan to thank for the precious gift of understanding what that truly feels like.
I know skinny love when it's offered - because my nan gave me big fat, dollops of creamy, wonderful love. (It'll be no surprise to you then to learn that Violet Corrina Evans was a very big lass. But that's part of another story for another day perhaps.)
Nan Singing | This is an 'N' I forgot so I'll pop it in here while I'm telling you about Violet C. (known to all as Corrr!) Nan singing is a bit like club singing although it's more recognisable - so 'You've lost that Loving Feeling' was a favourite and it would go like this...
'yeeeeoooove lost that lurrrrvin feeeelinah! Woahah thata lurrvinah feelinah! Yeeeeoooove lost that lurrrvin feelin now its gorrrnah gorrrnah gorrnah Woooooahaaah woahahaha woahhhhahhhhAH!'
Get the idea - now add in a strong Welsh valley accent and you're getting close.
Nanna in my pocket
Thing is when my nanna is near me - I find myself singing nana-stylee and I then I know she's around. Usually when she is around - it's a clue for me that I need to a) pay attention to how I'm feeling and make sure I ask for a cuddle if I need one and b) to make sure I am behaving impeccably towards others - my nana did and she did not tolerate any nonsense on this score. It didn't matter what mood you were in - or how someone may have treated you - there was absolutely no excuse to not behave with anything less than charm and grace.
So Nana C. turned up to day... and I realised that I need a bit of a cuddle and I need to have a bit of a word with myself too about whining and being crabby. So I have - there you go. S'all good in Lulilandia with Corr on my team - I can't fail. Please forgive any harsh words in previous blog or wall comments.
Chav wars
I think I may have mentioned that our house is the chavviest on the road - with it's awful 'ye olde curiosity shoppe' hacked about bay (the others are majestic, crenelated Victorian) - well we've made it much worse by putting up B&Q plastic double glazing this winter - because frankly we can't afford to rip out the bay and start again and I was fkken freezoidal.
S'all good when the plastic is taught - but after a couple of hairdryer sessions - it's gorn all baggy Mrs! Oh and I should also point out that podgey installed it before I had a chance to clean the windows - so double the Chavvster effect... *sigh!
We have lost the Chavvy crown! - On the way back from the cafe - for weekly flat white and half a piece of cherry shortbread. (Somebody stop me, no hang on - it's all pointed and dointed so nyargh boo - props to Miss Lu!) I noticed that 3 doors down have had a huge, shocking pink, fur/fleece-covered 3 piece suite delivered and they've matched the curtains and the cushions AND painted the mirror surround over the fireplace black! No word of a flippin' lie - I kid you not - I am horrified, delighted and gutted all at the same time.
I have been secretly basking in my Chavvy cred windows for months and now - I have to sink back into the ignomy of just being poor and scummy. Number 38 has jammed that Plastic Princess crown from Primark firmly onto her head and she is parading up and down the street with pictures of her pink sofa pinned to her pinny!
Gutted...
You can take the girl out of the valleys ...
Only one thing for it - time to bring out the big guns. I'm having the entire front of my house clad in pink and lime green stone and I'm installing a 15 tone - doorbell with Sounds of the 80s ringtones on random selection.
Take that Chavonia!
If she walked in to a room and I was standing over your dead body with a bloody knife in my hand - her first reaction would be 'What did that woman do to you Luli?'... Unconditional, fierce love - I have my nan to thank for the precious gift of understanding what that truly feels like.
I know skinny love when it's offered - because my nan gave me big fat, dollops of creamy, wonderful love. (It'll be no surprise to you then to learn that Violet Corrina Evans was a very big lass. But that's part of another story for another day perhaps.)
Nan Singing | This is an 'N' I forgot so I'll pop it in here while I'm telling you about Violet C. (known to all as Corrr!) Nan singing is a bit like club singing although it's more recognisable - so 'You've lost that Loving Feeling' was a favourite and it would go like this...
'yeeeeoooove lost that lurrrrvin feeeelinah! Woahah thata lurrvinah feelinah! Yeeeeoooove lost that lurrrvin feelin now its gorrrnah gorrrnah gorrnah Woooooahaaah woahahaha woahhhhahhhhAH!'
Get the idea - now add in a strong Welsh valley accent and you're getting close.
Nanna in my pocket
Thing is when my nanna is near me - I find myself singing nana-stylee and I then I know she's around. Usually when she is around - it's a clue for me that I need to a) pay attention to how I'm feeling and make sure I ask for a cuddle if I need one and b) to make sure I am behaving impeccably towards others - my nana did and she did not tolerate any nonsense on this score. It didn't matter what mood you were in - or how someone may have treated you - there was absolutely no excuse to not behave with anything less than charm and grace.
So Nana C. turned up to day... and I realised that I need a bit of a cuddle and I need to have a bit of a word with myself too about whining and being crabby. So I have - there you go. S'all good in Lulilandia with Corr on my team - I can't fail. Please forgive any harsh words in previous blog or wall comments.
Chav wars
I think I may have mentioned that our house is the chavviest on the road - with it's awful 'ye olde curiosity shoppe' hacked about bay (the others are majestic, crenelated Victorian) - well we've made it much worse by putting up B&Q plastic double glazing this winter - because frankly we can't afford to rip out the bay and start again and I was fkken freezoidal.
S'all good when the plastic is taught - but after a couple of hairdryer sessions - it's gorn all baggy Mrs! Oh and I should also point out that podgey installed it before I had a chance to clean the windows - so double the Chavvster effect... *sigh!
We have lost the Chavvy crown! - On the way back from the cafe - for weekly flat white and half a piece of cherry shortbread. (Somebody stop me, no hang on - it's all pointed and dointed so nyargh boo - props to Miss Lu!) I noticed that 3 doors down have had a huge, shocking pink, fur/fleece-covered 3 piece suite delivered and they've matched the curtains and the cushions AND painted the mirror surround over the fireplace black! No word of a flippin' lie - I kid you not - I am horrified, delighted and gutted all at the same time.
I have been secretly basking in my Chavvy cred windows for months and now - I have to sink back into the ignomy of just being poor and scummy. Number 38 has jammed that Plastic Princess crown from Primark firmly onto her head and she is parading up and down the street with pictures of her pink sofa pinned to her pinny!
Gutted...
You can take the girl out of the valleys ...
Only one thing for it - time to bring out the big guns. I'm having the entire front of my house clad in pink and lime green stone and I'm installing a 15 tone - doorbell with Sounds of the 80s ringtones on random selection.
Take that Chavonia!
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